Tonight I’m I’m a very pensive mood. With the craziness of getting married my mind has hardly been on other things besides love for my beautiful wife.
That, and how to stay sane at my seemingly dead-end-job. Now don’t get me wrong, the company is great. But the mental health field is a very strange, sad, narrow place to be at the age of 20 with so many dreams.
Tonight Allie said something to me about insurance. It was a very casual conversation….
…until I felt the need to give a speech on how unfair the world can be. I can’t go into a lot of detail due to the nature of my job. Basically people that sit on their butts playing video games and choosing not to work(though they are physically capable) get a ton more assistance from government often times than people that choose to work hard.
Insurance is screwed up in this country. I have seen it firsthand.
Anyway, I went on a rant and she patiently listened and agreed with me. I feel blessed to have someone so supportive by my side.
Here are a few things that I’m thinking about tonight.
I’m a musician. I’m a dreamer. I want to strive to continually write better music and dream better dreams. I don’t have as much time as I would like to dedicate myself to that. I won’t as long as I work this job. That is really hard for me.
I am not meant to work this job forever. If God had not wanted me to use part of my life to help and love others through music, why would my entire childhood have been shaped by it? I grew up listening and learning and playing. That is how I am where I am today. Experimentation. Sitting in my bedroom for entire evenings with a Yamaha keyboard on my lap, figuring out Jesus Christ Superstar songs.
My mind isn’t with my job. I’ll oftentimes sit in silence in the car while I drive my client somewhere in complete silence. They are off in their world and I am thinking of a book idea or a song structure. I could sit and think for an entire day.
I want to take advantage of marrying young and enjoy being daring and adventurous with my best friend.
I don’t have as much time for friends as I would like. Between working full time and being an assistant director for a play and being married and doing occasional church band activities, I have so little time to communicate with friends. I hate this fact. I want to talk to people and stay more involved with their lives, but sometimes there’s nothing left. Most times. I love you all though. Please don’t take offense and think I hate you or don’t want you in my life.
Everyone wants me to join a band. And I want to join most of them, but buying more hours in a day isn’t an option. Neither is buying more brain space.
Winston Churchill: “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
Notice that it’s not “to hell.” Not around, not back, not above, not beside. Keep going and wait for the outcome of the trials on the other side.
I love you and my life and everything. Except insurance. Good night.